Is Jacinda Ardern’s pregnancy really the progress feminists have been fighting for?
The liberals celebrate and the conservatives criticise, but all I see in the Jacinda’s Ardern’s pregnancy announcement is a symbol of what’s not working with women’s fight for equality. We wanted choice, but have ended up with a struggle to be both be the perfect parent and successful career woman, while society supports us with neither.
I didn’t celebrate when I heard of Jacinda Ardern’s pregnancy. All I could do was groan under strain of how insanely hard this is going to be for her. I use the word “insane” with intention, as the mental health of working mothers seems to be constantly at breaking point. So many of us have either experienced or know someone who has experienced burn-out from trying to juggle the demands of parenthood alongside their career.
Jacinda Ardern has to do the hardest job in the world. She also has to run a country. She talks of a village raising her child, although it’s not clear what she means by this. An army of nannies and PAs that only the most powerful can afford? Or her extended family network, which since the 60s has not been the reality for most working people in the west?
Celebrating this pregnancy only puts increasing pressure on women to show they can do it all. By saying we can do it all we fail to force the patriarchal structures to change and make our equality genuine. We need to properly value and support, both socially and economically, the role of the parent; to allow women the opportunity to be a mother, and when her children are properly ready, return to her career in a workplace that is sensitive to her family’s needs.
Which brings me on to the issue nobody is talking about — what will the impact be on her child? The most developmentally important phase in a child’s life is pre-birth. A mother’s stress hormones can flood the unborn child’s developing brain and create long lasting damage. An expectant mother of course can not avoid all stresses, and nor should we expect her to, but the tensions of running a country and operating on a global stage is on another level to an average woman’s daily life challenges. It is not going to create the calm pre-birth environment that child needs.
While I applaud Clarke Gayford’s decision to be the primary carer (although I’m not sure how he thinks he is also going to be the first man of fishing too!) you can not escape the fact that human infants are all born premature. In those delicate first few months they need their mothers in a very physical sense. There are gadgets and devices that allow us around these, but they will only ever be a second best. Ardern and Gayford will make do and be probably be “good enough parents” in challenging circumstances. But is this cause for cheer? Should we not instead be fighting for a society where women feel able to spend that important time together with their infants, without the pressure of work ripping them away prematurely?
None of this is intended to be a criticism of Jacinda Ardern. She has found herself in an unplanned situation and their excitement is understandable. I just wish that instead of saying “it’s what ladies do” we could have a sensible conversation about how challenging this is going to be. Let’s stop pretending we’re super mums and start demanding change.
Parenting needs to be properly recognised for the vital job it is. Women need to be financially and emotionally supported so they’re not forced back to work before their child is developmentally ready (child development experts* claim that putting a child into a nursery before they are two years old can impact on attachment and cause future developmental difficulties. Yet maternity leave and pay is normally only a year). The patriarchal structures in workplaces that benefit the advancement of men over women need to be challenged too.
The super mum who just pops out a baby while running a country is a neo-liberal construct. If you are a strong individual you will just get on a deal with it, ignoring the structural changes we need to overcome power inequalities. These changes aren’t things that are going to happen overnight, but we must at least have a conversation about it. Let’s start by saying women like Jacinda Ardern are in an impossible situation. Let’s wish her well but say it as it is: another mother struggling with the impossible in a society that conspires against her.
*Sue Gerhardt, Why Love Matters
